In the NICU

I'd read about a lot of moms whose cleft babies had been whisked away to the NICU following birth, because the hospitals were unprepared for them, uneducated, and uncomfortable having them room-in with them.  But I knew it wasn't the case with us, because my hospital was informed and well-educated with clefts.  However, soon after giving birth, they told me he had to go to the NICU, because not only was there meconium in the amniotic fluid, but I'd had a fever during labor, and they needed to monitor him for a possible infection.  I was devastated.  I wasn't prepared for that at all.  It was such a huge disappointment.  After all of those months of worrying, I was finally going to get my chance to really bond with my baby, and that was now getting taken away from me.

I got to hold him for a couple of hours before they took him away.  One of my fears was that he would be neglected in the NICU, because how could a baby with a deformity be loved by anyone but his own parents?  It was such an incredible relief to learn how very wrong I was.  The nurses there adored him.  They would carry him around, dote on him, and cuddle him when I wasn't there.

 One nurse, after bathing him, offered to put a bow into that incredible hair of his, laughing as she held up a dark blue one.  She finally decided she'd better not since she suspected my husband probably wouldn't love that idea.  I loved how they loved him.  Another nurse devoted a lot of time into learning how the bottle would work best.  She would practice, then show me so that I could feed him easily.  He always had the biggest burps, and she would proudly announce it to everyone who would come by for a visit.  Being there was such a positive experience.

I still wasn't totally comfortable with feeding him, and they decided they'd keep him there one more day for my sake.  I was really annoyed by that, but at the same time, grateful that they were anxious for me to feel comfortable.  We used the Johnson-Mead squeeze bottle with the pigeon nipple.  We would line the notch up with his nasal septum (since he had a cleft palate), and then we would squeeze the bottle gently, letting him swallow about five times, and then letting go so he could catch his breath.  This worked the best,

and allowed him to drink his bottle with ease.  He was such a great eater, and I am truly grateful for one less thing I had to worry about.

My mom came to meet him, even though I was hesitant since I was still hurt from her cold shoulder.  I wanted to keep him away from anyone who wouldn't love him, and I didn't feel ready to face another rejection to my child.  Before she saw his face, I told her that he had her same chin (ironically, a cleft chin).  As soon as she saw him (and that he shared her chin), she grabbed for him, and all the coldness melted away.  She was absolutely in love.  I understand now the fear and confusion and questions she had, but at the time, it was very difficult for me to deal with.  I mean, if there should be one person who's going to love your children besides you and your spouse, shouldn't your own mother be it?  Anyway, once she met him, all of her fears disappeared, and she was ready to completely love him and let him in.  I know that not all family members are able to brace the cleft, however.  I've heard of other grandparents not being either able to or willing to bond with their grandchildren until after the surgery, but again, I think it's just the fear of the unknown.  It's scary not knowing what to expect, and knowing that eventually, the face is going to change after surgery.  It doesn't make it any less painful to deal with, but there it is.  I guess understanding an outsider's point of view makes it easier to move on, because that's why we have these babies, to teach us a love and tolerance we might not have had otherwise.  All that's really and truly important from the moment after birth is that you love your baby with a deeper love you ever could have imagined, and that you're there to be their advocate in a world that may or may not be quite ready for them.