Lip Repair Surgery

About a month before my son's surgery, he figured out how to take the NAM out. Oh my word, it was soooo infuriating!!  Putting it in once a day was hard enough, but now, we were dealing with it 4-5 times a day. I finally figured out it was pointless putting the Fixodent on, because it was going to be ripped out anyway.
Putting the NAM back in just got a WHOLE lot easier, especially when I quit stressing about that and the prolabium tape. I finally put everything on right before bedtime, and it worked out so long as he fell asleep quickly. There were a few times where I woke up to find the NAM resting on his cheek, though. It freaked me out the first time I saw it, but thought it was the funniest thing after it kept happening.

Preparing for surgery was the hardest part for me. I hated the idea that the world thought this precious

little face needed "fixing." I resented my parents for being excited for the surgery I myself was dreading. I hated that they kept reminding me that it was going to look like he never had a cleft, and resented the fact that they never loved him the way I did. Up until the night before surgery, I felt extremely angry. All I wanted was for everyone to understand what was going to be taken away: the world's biggest, most beautiful smile.

There were tons of things that worried me about surgery day. I hated that my baby wouldn't be able to drink after midnight. What would I do when he woke up, screaming in hungry anger? My drive down to Primary Children's was about an hour and a half away. Would he scream the entire drive? Would I get caught in rush hour traffic and be late? How was I supposed to pump? Where would I eat? How did everything work out? I was so scared for all the little details, I forgot to be scared for the actual surgery...until the night before, I realized that my surgeon's life affected mine. What if he got into a fight with his wife the night before, and went to work angry? What if he was feeling sick, or had a bad drive to work? I was a mess.

Only through grace was my baby able to sleep through the night. I woke him up to eat at about 11:30 pm, and put him back to bed easily. I woke him up early for the big drive, and he slept on the ride down. There was no traffic, and when we arrived at the hospital, he was in a good mood. It was such an immense relief. We got checked in, and met with a nurse for his exam, then he got changed into the cutest little hospital gown. The longest wait was with meeting our surgeon and anesthesiologist. My husband and I took turns pacing the halls when he started getting fussy. He cheered right up, and eventually grew sleepy.  When Dr. Schmelzer finally came to discuss the procedure, our baby had peacefully fallen asleep.

After Dr. Schmelzer left, the anesthesiologist came a few minutes later. We signed a form, picked up our baby, and walked together down the hall. We reached the doors to surgery right as a patient was being rolled out in a bed. My husband and I nervously looked at each other as the bed was accidentally slammed into the door. The doctor reached out and took our son from us, and then as he left, I realized I forgot to give the cutest little cleftie one last kiss.  That was the last time I would see that smile.

My husband and I checked into the waiting room. We were told we would receive an update after one hour. Once we got settled, I found a room to FINALLY pump. I was grateful I had brought my own, because the one in the room was finicky and wouldn't work for me. I took my milk to the milk bank on the 2nd floor, then returned to the waiting room. I was so surprised to see that my new friend (whose own cleftie had surgery a few weeks earlier) had sent a stuffed animal to us in the waiting room!  It felt soo good knowing we were loved. The time passed quickly, and eventually, after about 2 hours, Dr. Schmelzer approached us. He told us surgery went well, and showed us pictures of our new boy!

I was grateful he did, because I never would have recognized him in a million years. He had a new nose, new mouth, and a completely different face. He stayed in recovery until he woke up, and then a nurse came and led us to him. I stared at him, trying to decide if it was actually my baby. I searched his tired eyes, puffy face, and even tried recognizing his hair. I had to go off trust that they led me to the right child. When I picked him up, he even smelled different. He smelled like blood, mixed with several different types of medical solutions. I only knew it was him because of an unseen bond every mother has with her child. As I held him, the nurse said how impressed she was with how calm he was. He was recovering really well so far, which brought me immense peace. I held him for several minutes before we took him up to his room.

Once he was situated, my husband and I left to go find the Ronald McDonald Family Room. There were huge refrigerators there, filled with food for the family of patients. There were computers,

showers down the hall, and rooms to nap in if we needed them. I breathed easily, knowing we were going to be taken care of. When we came back, there was a wonderful surprise waiting for us!  Dr. Jones, our amazing orthodontist, had sent a stuffed animal, along with a balloon! Again, I felt so loved, knowing that we had such a huge support group. It made this experience more bearable, knowing that so many people loved my son and were rooting for him.

I later learned how LUCKY we were to have our own room, because most patients had to share their rooms. I stopped feeling bad for myself, and tried enjoying our stay better. Our nurses were FANTASTIC, and Julie, the nurse pictured here, just LOVED him. It made me sooooo happy, knowing that they genuinely cared for his well-being. I felt comfortable leaving my room to go eat, because I knew they'd be watching him and caring for him if he needed anyone. Once, when I came back from eating, some sweet nurse thought of sitting him up in his bed for a change. He was soooo happy...and GAVE HIS FIRST SMILE!!!  To be honest, before surgery, I wasn't thrilled about his new smile, because it always looks forced and so small, and doesn't reach the eyes. But knowing the immense pain my child had just gone through (and probably was still feeling) made his new smile so much sweeter and wonderful. And I was wrong. It reached all the way up to his eyes. I was so, so happy!!!

The no-no's (or arm restraints) he had to wear didn't bother him at all. Several times, he slipped out of them. Eventually, one of the nurses just took him out of them, and he didn't even try touching his face. I never put them back on, because it was pointless anyway. After the first night, he seemed to be doing a little bit better, so we started weaning him off his oxycodon. He wasn't eating yet (still had his IV, though), but his eyes looked more alert. I was feeling good about maybe going home the next day. As the day wore on, he was more and more unhappy, and I realized he desperately needed his medication. We got it, and after several minutes, it kicked in. I realized I didn't want to risk it again, and told the nurses my plan to just keep him on it on a regular schedule until Saturday. Dr. Schmelzer's assistant, Dr. Wong, said it was perfectly fine to keep them on it for several days since their mouths have been through so much trauma, so I didn't feel bad about keeping up on his pain management.  After the THIRD night, I was getting antsy and grumpy. I asked Julie if I could unhook my son, and take him for a small walk down the halls. She one-upped me, and said I was welcome to take him around the HOSPITAL. She was wanting to turn down his IV so he could start feeling hungry, so everything got unhooked. It was such a liberating feeling! We were gone for a while, and when we came back, she kept him unhooked from everything. His little feet kept kicking the monitors off, which constantly sent the alarms off. With him being medicated, he was a lot more alert, and FINALLY started drinking! The feeding goal was equivalent to one ounce per hour, and it didn't take long before he succeeded. We were able to finally leave that afternoon.